Letter to a Graduate

My cousin recently graduated from college. I took it upon myself to provide her with a few parting words of wisdom. Here it is:

Thanks for the invite to your graduation. Both Schaffer and I were pleased to be a part of it and excited for your accomplishment. I’ve been wracking my brain since heading down to Carlisle about what sort of sage, older-cousinly advice I could impart to you about what I’ve learned in the 14 years since I was handed my college diploma.

The result of my erratic brainstorm (with a little help from some deceased literary friends) is detailed below. Feel free to ignore as much of it or all of it as you like (… this is my first piece of advice). Most people would say that I am a poor example. They might be right. Then again most people haven’t swum with mating manta rays, gotten Muggsy Bogues to drive a Zamboni or been paid to ride a folding table down a snow bank in the middle of Montreal. So those folks can, respectfully, kiss my ass.

Here it goes:

- An active credit card can get you out of almost any modern jam. Make sure you (or someone else) pay those monthly. Case in point, if you are standing in the main plaza of Reykjavik, Iceland at 7am watching the Arctic sunrise after a night of dancing with Vikings and you realize you must have spent your last kronur on shots of ‘Black Death’ but you really want an Icelandic hot dog, fear not. The hot dog cart takes plastic.

- “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind.” – Theodor Geisel (aka Dr. Seuss)

- Never pour water on a grease fire.

- Obey the lifeguards in unfamiliar surf and do not boogie board without adequate health insurance.

- The ‘real world’ doesn’t exist.

- Be the best person you can be, the rest will take care of itself. – R. Wentz

- Never be afraid to ask for help.

- “Peculiar travel suggestions are dancing lessons from God” – Kurt Vonnegut

- Righty tighty. Lefty loosey.

- Always ask yourself ‘what is the worst that can happen?’ and be honest about the answer. Nobody knows more about you than you. – R.Wentz


- Always wear a seat belt in a moving vehicle.

- Remind the people in your life why they are special and why they are important to you as often as you can. It is entirely possible you may never see them again. Eulogies are too late.

- Life can be tough and unfair, but there are more good people out there than most of us realize.

- If a someone puts a gun to your chest, its OK to give them your laptop even if you haven’t got everything backed up.

- Remember to breathe, slowly. It gets oxygen to the brain and helps you to think. – R.Wentz

- Once you leave college, time speeds up by a factor of three. Fourteen years has felt like 5. And I think it’s getting faster….

- You may never figure ‘IT’ out. I’m still as confused at 36 as I was at 22 only I’m enjoying it more. If you think you have ‘IT’ figured out, you are probably wrong.

- Never leave a candy bar in your jeans when camping in bear country.

- Beware of Romanian Orthodox bishops bearing wine when traveling in Transylvania. They’ll think it funny when you pass out on the steps of their monastery in vampire country.

- Regret is stupid. Avoid it at all costs.

- The hiccups can strike at any moment.

- Stand clear of the closing doors.

- You will make mistakes. Maybe even big mistakes. That is okay. You must make mistakes. I’ve made my share, I will continue to make them and I regret very few. The only decisions I regret are the ones I didn’t make because I was afraid of the emotional or financial ramifications. That said, don’t be reckless and know your limitations, but understand that if you are a good and talented individual (which you are) you will be more resilient and have more external support than you realize. Take chances.

- Romance and chivalry are not dead and cannot be killed with conventional weapons.

- Crocodiles can leap out of the water.

- No matter where you are, wear comfortable shoes.

- Your cousin Toby doesn’t know JACK about household electricity.

- Almost everything can be taken away from you – they can take your money, they can take your belongings & they can take your freedom. Invest in the things that cannot be taken from you: education, experience, talent, conviction, friendship and a really good sense of humor.

- No matter how old you get, your parents will still be (and act like) your parents. Your little sister will always be your little sister. Treat her well – you never know when you need to borrow (a lot) of money from her.

- The Canadian Border Patrol knows that there are no restaurants in Yahk, British Columbia. Do not use this as a reason for visiting Canada.

- Don’t burn any bridges no matter how small or remote they might seem. You’d be surprised how even the small bridges turn up in the darnedest places.

- When playing blackjack, never split 10’s and double-down when the dealer is showing a six.

- There is no reason to drink more than three caipirinhas. Ever.

- You never realize how much you need your back until it goes.

- Beauty is everywhere, even in the darkness.

- Avoid crowds wherever possible.

- “It is the time wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.” – Antoine de St. Exupery.

- As an artist, the greatest masterpiece you will ever create is your own life. Everyone you meet, everything you see will become a part of it. Embrace this, but understand that they are the paints on your canvas, the clay in your hands. Never forget that it is your masterpiece and yours alone. Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking it is a paint-by-numbers project. It won’t be done until you are done, whenever that might be. Enjoy the process, love the process – even the hard stuff – because it belongs to you. Make it special, make it different and make it yours.

Good luck