Does it Matter?

At thirty-seven and one-half years of age, I am now squarely in the chronological terrain of the 'mid-life crisis'. For those most afflicted by this syndrome, they quit their jobs, leave their spouse and/or have a tendency to jump out of perfectly good airplanes in an attempt to feel alive.

I have none of those desires. I simply want to know 'does it matter?' If one reflects on my life and what I've done, you could either conclude that I have done a great deal or I have done zilch. It's all a function of your perspective and an application of comparison to the lives of others.

I recently returned from China and I'm left perplexed wondering about the example of Mao Zedong, with respect to the idea of 'does it matter?' Here is an individual that changed the course of history for not only billions of Chinese but for the world as a whole. (Paradoxically, he is also an individual who managed to convince a population of hundreds of millions to stop being individuals.) Yet as of 2008, a mere twenty-odd years since his death his vision for China and communism is becoming obselete at broadband speeds.

Does it matter?

Does anything I do actually matter? If I had cured cancer, written the Great American Novel or founded an innovative company that changed the world and employed thousands would it actually matter? I, like Mao, will be dead one day and humanity will ultimately implode on itself and the universe will continue with barely a blink of notice.

So what does anything matter?

To me, at this reflective point in my life, the only thing that matters is to understand completely who I am. And somehow that does matter.

Last year, I was fortunate enough to spend a few days at St. Catherine's Monastery at the base of Mt. Sinai. It was here that Moses asked God for his identity and God replied 'I am that I am' or 'I shall-be that I shall-be'. I found my interpretation of this enduring philosophical puzzle by following the example of the Little Prince and repeating it aloud to myself.

'I am that I am'

What I have discovered is what matters is me. If we take the common premise that man was created in the image of God and 'he is that he is', then it follows that the understanding of the Divine and the understanding of our purpose is simply the complete understanding of Self.

And that is the only thing that matters.