God as my witness, I thought it could fly

The world of film and television is hardly glamorous, more grinding than anyone outside the business can realize. However, one bright point in the grind is that it is hardly ever predictable. Rarely are two days ever the same and you'll never know what you may be asked to do. In 1994, for example, I was working as a writers'/producers' assistant on the Children's Television Workshop show 'Ghostwriter' and the writers decided to do an episode centering around a lost bird. For plot devices I cannot recall, they decided that we needed a Palm Cockatoo.

Having grown up in Australia and being slightly wonky on cockatoos, I patiently tried to talk the writers out of this choice. "Can't be done," I explained, "the Palm Cockatoo is indigenous to an isolated corner of Australia and is on the endangered species list." In typical show business fashion, it wasn't their problem, it was mine. I not only needed to find one in the U.S., I needed to find one for rent and figure out how to travel and house it in NYC for the shoot.

This was 1994. The almighty internet was only beginning to awaken and not really a viable option for research. I had to work the phones. This led to a host of amusing phone calls with zoos, animal parks, animal wranglers (including the fine folks at Jack Hanna) and so. No one had a Palm Cockatoo for hire or could even give me a lead, but it did not stop the folks on the other end of the line from trying to convince me to swap out the Palm for one of the animals they did have in-house including a penguin and, inexplicably, a mandrill (It was in the phone call where I was offered the penguin that I learned that 80% of penguins live in temperate waters. I made a joke about keeping said penguin in a cooler on set and I was set straight on this point.)

Eventually, somebody gave me a lead about a parrot park in Florida (where else) that had a Palm Cockatoo. Even though they had one I was skeptical that they would allow it to be used as on-screen 'talent' in a kids' show, but it turns out money talks. The next trick was finding a hotel that wouldn't mind such a feathered, endangered creature to hole up in. Turns out the answer is (was?) the Mayflower Hotel on the UWS. These are the things that you learn in such a gig.

The Palm, whose name eludes me, worked out well except for one scene. The action called for the bird to fly to its perch. I'm guessing the handler must have been out of the room at the time for when the cameras started rolling my my friend Dickie, the stage manager, tossed the bird in the air expecting nature to do the rest. Not so much. This endangered (and highly insured bird) did a total tuck and roll and came to a thud on the concrete studio floor. It's wings had been clipped and flying was no longer an option. Thankfully the bird sustained little damage and the partially ruffled creature finished out the scene and left the next day.